Hi to everybody....here's the jokes for the evening...hope you enjoy them....

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister
at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a
problem--my husband keeps falling asleep during your
sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin
with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping,
and I will motion to you at specific times. When I
motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Jones dozed off.
Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work.
"And who pray made the ultimate sacrifice for you?"
he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg
with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister.
Soon, Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister
noticed.
"Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation,
motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Jones cried out as he was stuck again with
the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling.
Before long, Jones again winked off. However, this
time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the
tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that
Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband
with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam
after she bore him his last son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled,
"You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time
and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!"

**

A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell.
When he got there, he saw one sign that said
Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell.
In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long
line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist
Hell. So the executive asked the guard, "What do they
do to you in Socialist Hell?"
"They boil you in oil, whip you, and then put you on
the rack," the guard replied.
"And what do they do to you in Capitalist Hell?"
"The same exact thing," the guard answered.
"Then why is everybody in line for Socialist Hell?"
"Because in Socialist Hell, they're always out of
oil, whips, and racks!"

*

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in
her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report
all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot
wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was
trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in
my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all
that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin it.
So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought,
wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago,
and I don't want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun
at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had
these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So
then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a
minute, this is going to be loud!"

That's it, my friends...have a good evening, a restful night and sweet dreams...