Hi to everybody...woke up at 5.30 this morning with my head fucked...after an hour I had a bad stomach and hubby brought me a cup of tea when he came home at 6.30 again and twenty minutes later I had to go downstairs and take some Gaviscon to settle the pain down...it worked.
Why was my head fucked? Now, if I tell you, I'm going to be Mrs. Damned unpopular, but quite frankly, I don't mind.
Last night was Bloscar night, I was named in three sections and lost in all three, so not just one rejection, which would have been okay, but in all three was a bit bloody much...I didn't ask to be put in it, I didn't want to be in it, and I didn't ask to be humiliated at the end of it. Everybody who lost last night, if they were brutally honest, had to be disappointed in varying degrees, but all the bloggers who didn't even get a nomination at all must also be wondering what it is that so unacceptable or boring or unpopular about their blog...
My point is, and it's a harsh truth I think, everybody who blogs here is a loser in the ocean of the world outside...we're either lonely, damaged, disabled, depressed, disillusioned or an outsider who hasn't found acceptance anywhere else. There may also be a few who just like a wider public to air their views, but they're a rarity. Outside, the world is brutally competitive and most people are losers...that is they have little or not control over their lives and that is the general lot of most of us.
Blogging, for some of us, is a way of compensating for this helplessness and inability to compete in the world. In the relatively safe confines of blog world, we share ourselves in ways that we might not have done with anybody else. It's a puddle compared to the world and one which is worth not polluting with the very thing that drove us here...fucking competitiveness...but here it is and it seems everybody is cheering it on and saying well done for introducing and keeping it going. Well, here's one blogger who say, damn it, not here...keep bloody competitiveness out of this otherwise very pleasant area of blog land...no wonder people drift away if they think they're being judged constantly...and that's exactly what they are being now...until a month ago, I'd never heard of the damned Bloscars and I really, really wish I hadn't...it's just left a sour damned taste over the whole of this blog...so my profuse apologies for spoiling everybody's fun, but this is how I feel today...
In fact strongly enough to wonder why the hell I'm here if this is as competitive as the outside world...if it is, then all our friendships are equally shallow and that's bloody sad...
Big hugs to one and all in spite of being fucking angry today....